Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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