I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
