She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize