The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm bleeding and have questions
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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