I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
