Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
