Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize