if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
