Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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