You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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