And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
