i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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