I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
