she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
