Pants 0. Shit 1.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
