He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
