he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
