how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
