If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize