Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
did i walk over a car last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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