no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
