Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
