Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize