she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
