youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
