I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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