He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
