so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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