Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
