im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
