I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Randomize
