How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
