I'm sorry my penis didn't work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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