Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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