fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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