Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
