you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
