My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
