i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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