i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
