Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We have started to decorate penises.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
