i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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