im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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