cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
