He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
