Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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