His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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