Nicole vs. Life
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
