in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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