Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
