Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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