you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
