You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
