Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
