After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
