since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
