I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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