wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
