i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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