He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The power of my boobs compel you
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
