A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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