I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's just like the Real World with babies
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize