I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
