Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
