I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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