theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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