I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
