True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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