What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
