Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
