i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
