Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
