just come out here and I will go home with you...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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