so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
