The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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