hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize