Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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