just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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