Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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