Christians are straight up FREAKS
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
