home. puking in laundry basket.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize