This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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