I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
