The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it was like eating out sand paper
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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