Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
