put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
