everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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