That's intense
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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