shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
