chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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