They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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