we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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