i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
