if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
