She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is Oprah even human
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
