Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
