Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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