I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
