A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
there is glitter all over my balls
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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