he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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