Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
