Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
