She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
