Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
