Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize