Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
