Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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