He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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