How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
