No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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