She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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