70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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