I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
