Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize