She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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