i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
