And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
